LOST
by Oceanic Others Freak
Summary: AU. READ AUTHOR'S NOTE! Post-Season 4 finale. One other survivor was found amongst the freighter wreckage. And she was involved with Sawyer...this is her story, with flashbacks from all 4 seasons. Yeah I know summary sucks, but so what. SawyerOC. R&R, no
1. Prologue

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original character.**_

**_Summary: AU. Post Season 4 finale. One other survivor was found amongst the freighter wreckage. And she was involved with Sawyer...this is her story, with flashbacks from all 4 seasons. Yeah I know it sucks, but so what. SawyerOC. R&R, no flames._**

AUTHOR'S NOTE: not sure of the exact date the Oceanic 6 were rescued. So the date on the prologue is 2 days after that happened.:)

**_Prologue: December 26, 2004 _**

_Come on dumbass, breathe. Pump oxygen through those lungs and breathe!!_

Pain...waves of it crashed over my body. I couldn't see or hear, let alone breathe. What made me regain consciousness was his voice in my head. He'd promised he'd always be there for me. I guess my subconscious counted in someway.

_Riley, you gotta wake up now. Kick for the surface and I don't wanna hear none of your complainin', got it?_

" Got it, James," I gasped as my head broke through the surface. I gasped for breath. Hot congealed blood ran down one side of my face. I couldn't see out of my right eye.

_Are you honestly just gonna float there all day? Get your ass in gear, Snake and swim!!_

I obeyed his voice. He cared about me and my safety after all. If I died, he'd be pissed. I started swimming. When I found a bit of wreckage from the freighter, I crawled onto it, though pain seared through my left wrist -- I was sure it was broken, or at least sprained.

" I hope you're happy, Sawyer." I said through gritted teeth. " Unless a boat comes by, I ain't gonna last long."

I don't know how long I lay floating there in the ocean. The last thing I remembered was floating into something and nearly falling off my makeshift raft before darkness claimed me.

**I know this kinda sucks but it'll get better, I promise. I have most of it thought out already. Please review and NO FLAMES!!**


	2. Explanations

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original character.**_

**_Chapter 1: Explanations_**

_" Take a picture, it'll last longer."_

_" Huh?" I said, flinching. A man around my age with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes is staring irritably at me while smoking a cigarette. I shoved a strand of copper hair out of my eyes. I still can't believe I actually survived the crash...and i wasn't even wearing my seatbelt -- which explained my broken arm which Jack had strapped to a splint._

_" Stop your starin', okay?" the man snapped, " I don't mind you checkin' me out, honey. But if you're going to, at least don't start lookin' at me like freakin' Hanibal Lector."_

_" I was not checking you out, you dumbass hick." I said coldly, " It's the damn heat."_

_" Whatever," he scoffed. " What's your name, Snake?"_

_I gulped noticeably. I'd heard that nickname nearly all my life and I hated it._

_" Riley. Now tell me your name."_

_" Be glad to tell you...for a price." His eyes scanned my body. I was no stranger to the hungry expression on his face._

_" When hell freezes over, pervert." I snapped before stalking off._

"...three months...if she wakes it'll be a miracle."

" You underestimate her, Richard. Riley has a knack for surviving even the worst predicaments."

" ...even if she does, she'll never agree to talk..."

" ...him again, she will..."

I groaned and opened my eyes...well my left eye anyway. My right one appeared to be swollen shut. I was in a hospital room. Standing at the foot of my bed were two people I'd hoped never to see again once I left the island: John Locke and Richard Alpert.

* * *

" What the hell are you two doing here?" I demanded in a hoarse whisper. " J--"

" I'd prefer it if you called me Jeremy. Jeremy Bentham." said Locke. " I'm sorry Riley but things have changed now that you've been rescued."

" Oh, okay _Jeremy._" I said sarcastically. " What, are you incognito in the real world?"

Locke -- ahem, Bentham -- nodded.

" Something like that."

Richard stared at me. I hated when he did that. It made me feel so uncomfortable, like he was trying to read my mind.

" Riley, since your rescue the six who were also rescued -- Jack, Kate, Sayid, Hurley, Sun, Aaron -- have put out the story that they were the only ones to survive the crash. Since you are now back in the real world and assumed dead, you must have an alias." he tossed a passport into my lap.

" Marissa Klarke, 37 years old. Fort Hayes, IL." I read. " Oh come on, Richard. This is complete bullshit."

" Its the bullshit you're gonna stick to if you want those who were left on the island to stay safe...particularly Sawyer." he warned me.

My face went white.

" How -- How is he?" I asked.

" He's fine for now. Made it back before -- before it was moved." said Bentham. " but whether he remains fine depends on you and the Oceanic 6 sticking to your story."

I narrowed my eyes.

" And what exactly _is _my story?"

" You were on a cruise ship and fell overboard. You went missing for 2 months." Richard lowered his voice. " You remember Naomi right? You know who she was working for?"

I shook my head.

" Charles Widmore."

" Widmore..." I said slowly. The name rang a bell deep in my mind. " As in _Penelope Widmore?_"

Richard nodded.

" She's his daughter. Rescued your friends." he lowered his voice conspiratorily, " Her father's the one who's trying to find the island. When he does it's going to be very bad for everybody left behind. That is why we need you to stick to your story."

I thought it over.

" Okay, but only on one condition."

" What's that?" asked Bentham.

I glared at him.

" I want to talk to Sawyer. And I want to talk to him within the next 48 hours."

Richard's eyes widened.

" You know that isn't possible, Riley. Ever since _someone --_" he looked at Bentham. " -- blew up the Flame, communications have been down entirely. There's no way."

I folded my arms across my chest.

" Then find a way."

**Ok please tell me what you think. Like I said before, it'll get better!! NO FLAMES**


	3. To Keep Them Safe

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original character._**

**_Chapter 2: To Keep Them Safe_**

_" Hey Snake."_

_I turned away from the shelter I'd been errecting to find Sawyer standing a few feet away. I returned to my work before answering._

_" What do you want, Sawyer." I said, my tone making it plain that he wasn't welcome around me._

_" Lots of things," he replied easily. " but I'd settle for your story. Like to have a little background on the girls who give me a hard time."_

_My eyebrows shot straight up._

_" I give you a hard time?"_

_He noted by my tone that I was not very happy with him._

_" Well yeah," he said casually, " I mean I ain't sayin' that's a bad thing, but honestly."_

_" Honestly?" I repeated, " Well here's a question, Sawyer. If I annoy you so bad, why do you keep finding ways to piss me off just so you can talk to me. You've been doing it for three days straight."_

_He didn't answer. I returned to tying a tarp down over the structure that had taken me two hours to build._

_" Hey!"_

_Both Sawyer and I turned to see Jack approaching. He shot Sawyer a look of dislike before looking at me._

_" He giving you any trouble, Riley?" he asked._

_. I smiled and shook my head._

_" No more than usual." I replied. " If I need to, I can just take a leaf out of Sayid's book and stab him." I nodded at the bandaging on Sawyer's arm. _

_He glared at me._

_" How's your arm?" Jack nodded to my right arm which was still trapped in the splint._

_" Barely feel any pain. Thanks for asking though."_

_" I'll take it off in a couple days." _

_I nodded and watched him leave. Sawyer was already heading down the beach._

_" Lookin' forward to our next meeting, Snake!" he hollered over his shoulder._

" Ready for more pain medicine, miss?"

I turned my head and looked over to see a nurse staring at me inquisitively.

" Huh?" I said.

" It's time for your next dose of pain killers," she informed me.

" Oh," I said, annoyed that she'd pulled me out of my memories, " Okay."

She was about to inject the meds into my IV when another nurse poked her head in.

" I wouldn't do that now," she informed her colleague, " Miss Klarke has a very important visitor and it can't wait til after she's come round from this dose."

She sighed.

" Alright then." She looked over at me. " but I'll be back to administer this as soon as your visitor leaves."

She left. The person who I was least expecting to visit walked in -- Jack I pushed myself up in bed so I was sitting up instead of lying back. I watched as he closed the door behind him.

" Hello Marissa." he said.

I guessed that either Richard or Bentham...maybe even Ben had filled him and the rest of the Oceanic Six in on my rescue and my alias.

" Jack." I said, smiling at him. " It's great to see you."

" You too," he replied.

He smiled and nodded.

" How's it feel to be out of a coma?"

" Ehhh...I'm more aware of this," I gestured to my face. " but otherwise it feels great." I paused. " How are the others?"

" Back to their every day lives, like me." he paused. " I heard Alpert was here yesterday."

I nodded.

" Did you really give him an ultimatum when he asked you to keep to your story?"

Another nod.

" Why?" he sounded angry.

" That," I said calmly, " is none of your concern."

Jack took the seat next to my bed and lowered his voice.

" Do you know what I asked the others to do on the day we left?" he asked.

I shook my head.

" No, what?"

He lowered his voice even more. I had to strain to hear him.

" I told them to lie." he said. " about everything that ever happened on the island."

" What?!" I gasped.

" Shhhh!" he implored me. " The six of us have been under watch ever since our rescue --"

" By Charles Widmore's people." I whispered back. " Alpert told me."

" It's the only way to protect the ones we left back on the island." his voice was beneath a whisper now, and I could barely hear him. " What about Sawyer? Do you want anything to happen to him?"

" No!" I whispered, horrified. " I just need to tell him myself...that I'm alive. That I miss him. You don't understand what this is like for me, Jack. You're not separated from Kate like I am from him."

Jack stared at me for a couple minutes before reaching over to grip my hand gently.

" You will see him again someday," he replied. " This isn't forever."

" You don't know that." I said bitterly. " It's over either when Widmore finds it, or dies before finding it."

Jack stood up.

" Well if you want him and the others to stay safe," he said, " you'd better stick to your story. Even if your ultimatum isn't honored."

* * *

**_Sixteen Hours Later..._**

Unable to sleep, I'd stayed up til the early hours of the morning watching the clock. Ten hours to go. Around seven in the morning I drifted off.

_I was back on the island, on the beach. Things seemed the same, yet different. It was quiet. Too quiet. Nobody was around, yet the camp seemed like it was still a functioning one._

_I jogged down the beach passing fellow survivors. They took no notice of me...or if they did shot me cold looks. Why were they all angry at me? I hadn't betrayed them. At least not yet. Just then, Jack walked up and I ran over to him. Like the others, his expression toward me was cold._

_" Jack why is everyone so angry at me?" I cried, grabbing his arm._

_" It's your fault." he said, his voice dead. " You betrayed us Riley. You betrayed him."_

_Perturbed, I hurried up to Sawyer's shelter and threw back the tarp. He was sitting there in his chair with his back to me. I moved forward and put my arms around his neck._

_" Hi James." I said softly._

I awoke with a start, breathing hard

_He didn't answer. I walked around the chair til I was facing him and instead of my Sawyer sitting there, I found myself face to face with his decaying corpse._

_I realized the others' cold looks hadn't been angry, they'd been dead like Jack's. I retched as I realized they were all dead. Every one of them_

_That was when the screaming started._

I awoke, breathing hard, as though I'd run a marathon. I was back in my hospital room, my stomach churning. I closed my eyes tightly and willed the sensations to stop. They abated five minutes later. I glanced over at the machine that monitored my heart -- the erratic beeping had slowed down to a normal rate for which I was grateful. The dream was still vivid in my mind. I cleared my mind, trying to dispel the terrifying images. I could hear Jack's voice in my head:

_" It's your fault. You betrayed us, Riley. You betrayed him."_

I had no choice. My feelings for my friends and the one man I cared the most about would not permit me to wait to see whether or not my ultimatum held. I may have seven hours left, but that didn't matter. I was going to have to keep to my story no matter what.

* * *

_**Okay how was this part? Click the little button below and tell me please!! NO FLAMES!!** _


	4. Nightmares

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original character._**

**I've decided that I'm going to start responding to the reviews I get...the POSITIVE ones that is!!**

**entrthecircus: thank you for your review!!**

******_Chapter 3: Nightmares_**

My ultimatum fell through. Nobody called me. I remembered my decision from seven hours earlier. I would have to keep to my story. First however, I had to get the hell out of LA, and I needed to get out as soon as possible.****The next day I left the hospital. I declined speaking to the press, I told them I would give them my story when I was better and settled. A bold faced lie. I was never going to talk to them. They'd endorsed the story that the Oceanic Six had told and to tell the truth, I had no story to tell. I'd survived a cruise and turned up two months later. It wasn't much of a cover story either. The next time I saw Bentham, I was going to give him a piece of my mind.

I quickly booked a flight from LA to Fort Hayes -- the city where my alias, Marissa Klarke lived. I didn't want to stay _anywhere_ near the Oceanic Six. When I arrived at my appartment, I was shocked to see it already furnished and ready for my use. A note lay on top of a newspaper on the kitchen table. I picked it up and read the following:

_Marissa,_

_Thought you might find this interesting. Enjoy your new residence._

_JB_

_PS: Sorry I couldn't uphold your ultimatum. Too dangerous -- even though we did get communications back up._

I groaned softly when I saw the two initials. Bentham had been here. Reading that post script made my blood boil. Was it too much a request to want to speak with my boyfriend? To want to be sure he was alright? Bentham had confirmed he was alive, but I had to know for myself. I sighed and picked up the newspaper. Bentham had circled the article he wanted me to read. It had been written two weeks after my rescue -- while I'd been in a coma:

**_Missing Girl Reappears After a Two Month Disappearance_**

**_January 10, 2005_**

**_by Vivian DeCarlos_**

_Marissa Klarke, 33 year old resident of Fort Hayes, assumed dead after her disappearance on a cruise in late October, has been found. Barely alive, Miss Klarke's beaten body was picked up by a fisherman in the late hours of December 26. Immediately following her rescue, she was flown to St. Sebastian's in Los Angeles. Upon an attempt to reach her for comment, I was informed by one of her doctors that during her surgery, Marissa slipped into a deep coma. Whether or not she wakes up is anyone's guess._

When I reached the last paragraph, I noted that Bentham had underlined it in permanant marker.

_Interestingly enough, Marissa Klarke has a deep connection to Oceanic Flight 815, which crashed in the pacific last September. Her fiancé, James Ford, was on board. According to family members, he was flying from Sydney to Los Angeles to meet her. Whether or not she will ever know that he perished along with 323 others when the plane hit the water remains to be seen. Perhaps speaking to one of the Oceanic Six after she recovers will help take care of the grief she no doubt will feel._

____

Fiancé?

__

I had no doubt that the 'relative' was Alpert or somebody. I set the paper aside and checked the time: 7:45 PM. My stomach growled so I opened the fridge. Nothing in there so I ordered takeout. When it got there I sat in front of the turned off TV eating quietly.

The silence made me uncomfortable. I missed the activity of the camp at night. Helping Claire with Aaron. Sleeping in his tent, his arms around me. I groaned and shoved those memories out of my head. It hurt way too much to think of them. The ones I'd left behind. I threw out the leftovers and went to bed.

_I woke up with a start back on the island. The first thing I noticed was that I was in Sawyer's tent, but he was nowhere to be found. I yawned and left the tent, anxious to find him. Kate glared at me as I passed and muttered something under her breath. I turned around, suddenly angry._

_" You got something to say, say it to my face, Kate." I snapped._

_" It's your fault," she said icily._

_" What the hell are you talking about?!"_

_Kate sighed exasperatedly._

_" If you had stayed put he never would have gone off." she said. " You know -- hell everybody knows he can't track anything to save his life. His blood's on your hands."_

_I pulled a gun out my pants and ran into the jungle. I was so preoccupied that I tripped and fell. Groaning I got to my feet and looked over my shoulder to see what had caused my fall. My stomach lurched. It was Sawyer._

_" James!" I cried. I crawled over to him and turned him onto his back. He was dead -- his neck broken._

I woke with a start, breathing hard. Why was I dreaming about Sawyer dying? Had something happened to him on the island? Was he hurt? Had he died? These questions raced across my mind at the speed of light. It was all so confusing. Did I miss Sawyer? Of course...that was obvious. But why would he be dead? Bentham had assured me he was alive, but I had trouble believing him...especially after all the stunts he'd pulled on the island. I lay down again, my breathing slightly back to normal. But I couldn't sleep. After about three hours of staring at the ceiling, I succombed to a slumber filled with nightmares.

* * *

_I sat on the beach staring out at the ocean, hugging my knees to my chest. I hadn't moved all day, since Sayid had come by and told me what no one else had bothered to: Boone was dead, supposedly killed by Locke according to Jack. I'd cried of course, not out of any feelings for him, but because it hurt to think that one of our own had been killed by another one of our own._

_" Hey Riley."_

_I wasn't in the mood for his jackass antics._

_" Go away, Sawyer." I said monotonously as I wiped at my eyes._

_Much to my displeasure, he sat down next to me._

_" It wasn't your fault," he said softly. " You didn't do anything."_

_" I know it just hurts." I whispered._

_I felt him reach over and envelop one of my hands in his own. Surprisingly I didn't object. The burning sensation in my eyes was starting again. His arm moved to wrap around my shoulders. I laid my head on his chest and started to cry._

_" You liked him didn't you?" said Sawyer after a few minutes. I didn't miss the jealously in his voice._

_" Like him?" I sniffled. " Sawyer, I didn't even know him."_

_That seemed to make him feel better. We sat there together for a few more minutes. He still held me against him. It was oddly comforting._

" That'll be eighty-three, fifty."

I flinched and looked around. The cashier was staring at me expectantly and I realized she meant payment. I pulled out my wallet, mumbling 'sorry' as I handed her the money. I left the grocery with my purchases. Enough to get me through the month hopefully. I went to the bus stop and waited for my ride to come. A car pulled up; a Mercedes by the look of it. Whoever was in the back seat rolled down the window and stuck a hand out, beckoning to me. When I got closer I saw an old man wearing a crisp suit -- Armani or Calvin Klein, I guessed -- staring at me.

" You're the girl, aren't you?" he said, his voice laced by a British accent," Marissa Klarke? Went over the side of the _Medallion_ and disappeared for two months?"

" Yes," I said, confused. " Do I know you?"

" Not personally," he replied coolly, " but I don't doubt you've heard of me from certain friends of yours. My name is Charles Widmore."

* * *

**I just had to throw Widmore into this chapter, he's a big part of this story...okay that's all I'm saying, you'll get more info next chapter, which I plan to have out soon, hopefully this week. Anyway, please review!! NO FLAMES!**


	5. Widmore's Offer

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original character.**_

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**LostFanatic4Lyf: OMG you're making me blush!! Thanks for both your reviews!XD**

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_**Chapter 4: Widmore's Offer**_

" Charles Widmore?" My voice was higher than I meant it to be.

He smiled.

" Yes," he said. " Normally I don't fly out of Britain to do business but this is a special matter. I'd be much obliged if you'd come to this adress," he handed me a small business card, " and we'll continue this later. Six thirty is good for me."

" Then I will see you at six thirty," I said stiffly.

" I look forward to it."

The window rolled up and the car sped away. I felt my whole body tremble as I boarded my bus and set my groceries in the seat next to me.

_Damn it,_ I thought,_Why did I agree to that?I am so screwed!_

* * *

_" Where're you going?"_

_I looked up to see Jack staring at me. I went back to packing my backpack._

_" On a hike. Not a crime, is it?" I said as I grabbed my waterbottle._

_" Need a gun?" he asked._

_" Nah, got one from Sawyer." I said._

_" Okay," he said, " just be careful. Ethan may be dead but those people --"_

_I rolled my eyes and got to my feet._

_" I can handle it Jack." I said. I didn't notice Sawyer's eyes on me as I headed for the jungle._

Around six I woke up with a start. I'd always been a deep sleeper so my four hour nap didn't really bother me. The fact that my meeting with Widmore was in a half hour was bothering me more. After a quick shower I changed into an ensemble I hoped looked buisness like; tan suit with a white blouse. My copper hair hung loosely over my shoulders. I hadn't bothered with make up. Then I went down to the bus stop and took it down to the address on Widmore's card. I wasn't surprised to see the Mercedes parked outside a rundown looking warehouse. Widmore didn't have an office post in Fort Hayes. Natural that he would want to make this look inconspicuous. I had to supress a snort. A rich man meeting a thoroughly middle class woman in a shady bit of town...this was anything but inconspicuous.

" Glad to see you made it, Miss Klarke." he said, extending his hand.

I didn't move.

" Oh I'm sorry," he said, lowering his arm. " If we're going to stay pleasant to each other, maybe I should use your real name."

I froze.

" I'm not sure what you mean, Mr. Widmore," I said, trying t**_o sound more confident than I really was._**

" Your name is not Marissa Klarke," he said coolly, " I know you. I did my research when I staged that crash." He must have noticed my face go chalk white, because a triumphant smile appeared on his face. " I recieved your file from a good friend of mine. Your name is Riley Marie Carlen. You reside in San Diego, California. Date of birth: January 19, 1965. You were in Sydney because --"

" Why did you ask me here?" I cut him off, my voice shaking.

He sensed how quickly I'd changed the subject, but he answered my question anyway.

" To make you an offer." he paused. " Leave Fort Hayes and come work for me in Britain. Otherwise, when I find it, I'm going to make life a living hell for your boyfriend. What's his name...James Ford?"

I kept my face neutral, but I knew he could tell how distressed I was.

" Not only that," he went on, " but I'm going to make sure that everybody knows that Riley Carlen brought about the destruction of the island and all who were left behind. Do you really want all that blood on your hands?"

I bit my lip, feeling slightly nauseous.

" Why come to _me_ with all this?" I demanded. " What about the Oceanic Six?"

Widmore laughed softly**_._**

" You think I don't have anyone watching them?" he said, " I do. If anybody is going back there, they're not going without me." he paused. " Not a word to anyone about this. Do you understand?"

" I don't take orders from you." I said defiantly. " Never."

Widmore looked disappointed.

" You're going to regret your choice," he said, his voice like ice. " You're going to wish you had listened to me. I promise you that."

* * *

_" So Ethan's back for Claire?"_

_" That's what it looks like, Sassafras." said Sawyer. " Hit me."_

_I took a card from the deck and place it on top of the other three in front of Sawyer. I checked my own cards and then glanced at him. He cursed violently and showed me his cards._

_" Twenty-three." I laughed. " I had nineteen!"_

_" So you won," he said grudgingly, " What's the prize?"_

_I leaned forward and smiled._

_" You."_

_When our lips met it was like an electric current ran through my body. His immediate reaction was to pull me closer, try to deepen the kiss. I pulled away, smacking him lightly on the shoulder._

_" While this was fun and definitely an interesting game," I looked through the back of my shoulder. " Jack's at your shelter, either looking for you or getting ready to ransack your tent."_

_He groaned softly and got to his feet._

_" See you around, Snake." he said before heading off._

When I got home, the phone was ringing again. I picked it up, hoping it wasn't who I thought it was.

" Hello?"

" Hello, Marissa."

A small gasp escaped my throat.

" Ben." I said, in a slightly constricted whisper.

" I'm touched that you remember me." his voice was snide.

" What do you want?!" I nearly shouted, " After the hell you put everyone through, you're contacting me?!"

Ben's voice was mild.

" I seem to have touched a nerve without even trying. Amazing." he said, " Anyhow, let's get straight to it, shall we? One of my sources told me he saw you talking to Charles Widmore today."

" Bentham told me I wasn't going to be followed. I'm not one of the Six."

" True. but I'm not Bentham, am I?"

I ground my teeth in frustration.

" So what if I talked to Widmore today? How is that any of your business?!" I asked angrily.

" Because you know what he's looking for. And when he finds it everyone will be in trouble. Including that certain southerner you're so fond of."

My throat constricted briefly.

"I know, he told me he --" I stopped suddenly, remembering Widmore's threat. " I didn't give it away. Hell _I_ don't even know where it is anymore."

" Well then I guess I wasted a call. But Marissa..."

" Yes," I said irritatedly.

" A fair word of warning: if you betray any of the Six or the others who were left behind, you'll earn yourself a spot on my source's hit list."

_Click! _the line went dead. I slammed the reciever down and sat at the kitchen table, my head in my hands.

" He thinks I would betray them?" I muttered, " Why the hell would I do that? I don't even know what their story is!"

I sighed and went to make myself dinner. When I looked at the table I noticed a pregnancy test lying on top. _Odd, _I thought, _I don't remember buying that. Then again I don't remember my last cycle. Ack, I'll deal with that later. _I sighed and took my food into the living room so I could watch TV.

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**Ok hope you enjoyed this bit of the story. Don't worry there's more to Widmore's part of the story, I'm just building it up a bit. LOL...and I think Ben will make another appearance later but for now, please review and NO FLAMES!**


	6. The Author Opens Her Mouth

**The Author is opening her mouth (technically -- lol)**

i appologize for the delay in updating this story. i just started college and already it's a pain in the ass. also i've had a large bout of writer's block and if you've read my profile, I'm also working on some other stories i recently came up with. I promise to get this next chapter up soon!

**hugs,**

**Sarah**


	7. Discovery

**A/N: Y'all know I don't own anything. On with the show!**

_**Chapter 5: Discovery**_

The pregnancy test did not escape my mind. I hid it in various places around the appartment, hoping it would simply vanish. But not even ten minutes later, I would go find it again and stare at it, fear flooding my body. I had to try and forget about it...or at least shove it into a corner of my mind while I preoccupied myself with other matters. For instance, the nightmares. They hadn't stopped, in fact they'd gotten worse. Kate had called me a week after my chat with Widmore and against my better judgement, my fear of the man who was doing all in his power to find the island, and my pride -- I confessed everything to her.

" What do I do, Kate?" I'd asked frantically, " They're getting worse!"

" How?" she asked in a offhanded voice. I could tell she hadn't counted on her former rival dumping all her baggage on her as soon as she'd called.

" Now I'm the one killing him," I said in a terrified whisper. " and Widmore has people dropping in on me daily. I don't think I can take this much longer!"

" Calm down okay?" she said softly, " Listen to me. It'll be okay. Here's what I think you should do..."

So after an hour long conversation, I sat in the bathroom, holding a used pregnancy test away from me as if it was diseased. Kate had suggested I concentrate on myself, not worry about Widmore or Sawyer, or the nightmares. Just try to take it easy. So I'd grabbed the pregnancy test, figuring it couldn't hurt, even though it'd nearly been five months since I'd been rescued. I subconsciously ran my fingers over my stomach, suddenly frightened. Then I looked at the test. There was a small plus sign; and suddenly I remembered that Sawyer and I had slept together the week before rescue came. If that was the case, I should be around four months pregnant. The odd thing was, no morning sickness or anything...but then maybe something had happened while I'd been in a coma. I pulled out the card that had the number to my doctor's office and dialled the number.

" Hello, Doctor Caraman speaking," said a female voice.

" Hello, Dr. Caraman, this is Ri -- Marissa Klarke. I was your patient while in a coma for two months?"

" Ah yes, I remember," she said. " What can I do for you, Ms. Klarke?"

" Yes," I said in a small voice. " I just took a pregnancy test, and --"

" Ah yeah I remember when you were brought in, we ran some extensive tests."

" So why wasn't I told that I'm pregnant?!" I said angrily. " Why do I have to find it out for myself...shit, why do I suddenly have a craving for chocolate chip cookies?"

Dr. Caraman laughed.

" I'm sorry you weren't told, Ms. Klarke. We weren't sure if the fetus would survive while you were incapacitated. It appears it went into some sort of hybernation mode." she paused. " Which is amazing. There's no record ever of the fetus surviving in an incapacitated womb by copying the mother. My guess is it just came out of it if you're having cravings. Would you like me to reccomend an OBGYN?"

" Yes," I said, sounding relieved, " That would be great. Thank you."

_" You're an idiot, you know," said Sawyer softly, as he traced soft circles on my arm._

_I rolled over and glared at him._

_" Riiight," I snapped. " I'm the idiot. I started this whole thing not you."_

_" Are you saying that what just happened is my fault?" he said incrudulously._

_I sat up and started to put my clothes back on._

_" Don't you put that on me," he snapped. " You're the one who came in here and wanted to thank me for saving your life."_

_" And when I tried to leave, you stopped me." I said hoarsely._

_" I didn't keep you here by force. You could have left if you wanted to, and you didn't. You knew exactly what you were doing."_

_I started to get up and leave. He grabbed my arm._

_" No." said Sawyer. " Riley, I don't regret what happened. You shouldn't either."_

" That looks great, Mar," said Jackie, my supervisor at the Department of Health. I'd gotten a job there two weeks after I found out I was pregnant.

_" Thanks Jackie," I grinned._

" You okay? I know the job takes some getting used to, and you've only been here a couple weeks..."

I shrugged.

" I'm fine, I'm pregnant." I paused. " I'll have those contracts on your desk before I leave, okay."

" That's fine," said Jackie, she eyed the small bump that was my protruding gut. " I think he'd be proud of you, Mar...your fiancé." she said when I looked confused. " Four months along and doing pretty damn well on your own, if I do say so myself."

I looked at the ground. I was uncomfortable with others mentioning Sawyer so casually...as though they thought they knew him.

" I'll let you get back to work then," she said after a few minutes. Then she went back to her office.

_" Why are you doing this?"_

_" What?" asked Sawyer._

_" Why are you doing this?" I repeated._

_He sighed and leaned over to pick up a stalk of bamboo he'd just chopped._

_" Because," he said, " I need to."_

_" Why?!" I yelled. " Why do you get to risk your neck for rescue?! You don't give a damn --"_

_" And Kate does?!" he yelled back. " She only cares about herself."_

_" Why the hell are you bringing her up?" I said, disgust plain in my voice. " Geez, you two are made for each other."_

_" Hold up a minute, Snake." he said angrily. " You wanna know why I'm doing this? I mean really wanna know?"_

_" Yes." I said through gritted teeth._

_" Because." he said softly. " Because I care about you, Snake. I know how bad you want off this rock. Believe me, I do."_

_He shouldered the bamboo rod and kissed my cheek._

_" I know you care about me, Sawyer." I said softly. " I just have a hard time believing it. You're either with me or you're flirting with Kate."_

_" Believe it," he murmured. " 'Cause when I get back, you're gonna have such a hard time keeping your clothes on --"_

_I squealed and hit him playfully across the chest. Then I kissed him._

_" I'll be waiting."_

" Marissa? Hello, Earth paging Marissa. The aliens called, they want their brain back."

I flinched and saw my coworker, Leigh staring at me.

" Pitiful," I said, " That's the best you can come up with?"

Leigh laughed.

" Sorry. You've got a call on line 5."

I chuckled and watched as she walked back to her cubicle. I picked up my phone.

" Hello, this is Marissa Klarke."

" Ms. Klarke?" said a female's voice. " This is Regina Miller. I work for Mr. Widmore."

" I want nothing to do with him," I said at once, my voice cold. " Tell him that. I made my choice. If he doesn't leave me alone, I'm going to kill him."

I hung up.

**_THREE WEEKS LATER..._**

" Okay, lift up your shirt," said Doctor Davis. She was the OBGYN that Doctor Caramen had put me in touch with almost a month prior.

I did and she squirted gel on my stomach. I smiled appologetically.

" It's cold." I murmured.

She laughed.

" That's alright," she said as she placed the probe on my belly. " So let's take a look at your little one, hmm?"

I watched the screen expectantly and when my baby showed on the screen I almost lost it.

" Wow," was all I could manage to choke out. " It's healthy, right? It's okay?"

Davis smiled at me.

" Yes, very healthy. Would you like to know the sex?"

I stared at the moving image on the screen of the ultrasound machine, momentarily dazed. Back when I found out I was pregnant, I would have killed to know how Sawyer would feel, had he known the news. Now I was the only one who knew, the only one who could do anything about it.

" Marissa?" said Doctor Davis.

" Mmmm? Oh the sex..." I thought about it for a minute. " No. I want it to be a surprise."

Davis lifted the probe.

" Alright. Then if you'll speak to the secretary, we'll get you another appointment so we can check the baby's health and development."

" Okay," I said. " I'd better go, I've got a lot to do today."

_" So what do you think will happen now?" asked Claire._

_I looked up from the blanket I was sewing. It wasn't really a blanket, it was a bunch of t-shirts that I'd cut the sleeves off of and was sewing them together._

_" I don't know," I said, " I guess we just wait for the guys to come back with rescue."_

_" Hey, Riley!" both Claire and I looked up to see Kate running toward me._

_" Hi Kate." I said. She looked upset. " What's wrong?"_

_" I need you to come to the hatch. Now!"_

_I stood, noting that the urgency in her voice meant something terrible had happened. She grabbed my arm and we ran to the hatch. My stomach lurched as soon as we entered._

_" No." I whispered._

_Sawyer's prone figure was lying in the bottom bunk. I couldn't tell whether or not he was dead. Jack, who'd been bending over him, looked up when Kate cleared her throat._

_" Riley." he said._

_" Is he --" my throat became constricted and words failed me._

_" He's okay for now, he's sleeping." said Jack. He looked at Kate, then at me. " Do you want to sit with him for a while?"_

_I nodded and sat down next to the bed without a word to either of them._

I sighed and pressed the pause button on my mp3 player before shuffling the stack of checks in front of me. The few bills I'd been mailed were nearly due, and I wanted to make sure I got them in on time. I couldn't afford any late fees. Just then, the doorbell rang.

" Coming!" I called, with a sigh.

It was the guy who delivered my mail. His name was Steve.

" Hey Steve." I said, smiling tentatively at him.

" Hi Marissa." he said as he handed over a small stack of envelopes. " How are you doing?"

" Fine," I smiled. A small fisure of pain shot through the ruined side of my face and I winced. " As long as I take my pain meds, I mean."

Steve smiled sympathetically at me.

" Sorry."

" It's not your fault," I said. " The fault's mine, even though I don't remember how I got it."

His eyes drifted to my belly.

" Do you know what it is?" he asked.

I shook my head.

" No. I want it to be a surprise." I glanced down the hallway. " So I'll see you tomorrow."

" Sure," Steve shifted his weight, looking awkward. " Hey, if you need anything, give me a call, okay. You have my number."

I smiled at him.

" Thanks. I'll take that into consideration."

* * *

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_Okay so this kind of ended on a weird note for me, but oh well. Look for ol' Bug Eye, aka Ben in the next couple chapters...he has BIG news!! Shoot I just spoiled that...GAHHHHHH!! lol, okay shutting up. Please review!_


	8. Problems

_**Chapter 6: Problems**_

_" Nice funeral," I said awkwardly as Jack, Locke and I headed back to the hatch._

_Locke merely nodded. Jack sighed._

_" Yeah." he said quietly. He turned and looked at me. " Hey I know this has been hard on you. With Sawyer being shot and everything --"_

_I fixed the doctor with what I hoped was a convincing smile._

_" I'm fine, Jack. Really." I said. _

_He smiled at me. _

_" Alright." By now we'd reached the hatch. " Switch with Kate. She needs some time for herself."_

_I nodded. When we got inside, we both knew something was wrong. the alarm was going off and Kate was nowhere to be found. Sawyer was lying face down on the ground. Locke groaned._

_" It's the alarm." he said and sprinted over to the computer. _

_Jack bent over and heaved Sawyer up onto his knees. I rushed over to help and grabbed Sawyer's good arm. Together, Jack and I managed to get him back into bed. _

_The alarm had stopped._

_" I'm going to kill her," I said, breathing heavily._

" Hey Marissa, are you okay?"

" Yeah," I said, rubbing my eyes, " I'm just tired. Junior here," I patted my bulging stomach affectionately, " had mommy up around four shoving her face."

Jackie laughed.

" Do you know what it is?"

I shook my head.

" I'd rather not know. Told Steve the same thing."

Jackie rolled her eyes.

" Did he ask you out again?" she asked.

I looked back at the monitor of my computer.

" No, he knows where I stand on that. We're just friends. He's only been delivering my mail for three weeks."

Jackie sighed.

" How can you not be over that?" she asked, eyeing the small Oceanic Airline toy plane I kept on my desk; it kept me remembering that we were all lying and we'd left behind other survivors. " He's been dead for almost a year. You have to get on with your life, Mar."

" I don't keep it for that reason," I said quietly, " I just think some things shouldn't be forgotten."

" It sure was a real tragedy." said Jackie sympathetically, " Hey, remember, meeting in the conference room in twenty minutes."

" Got it," I said, careful to keep the bitterness out of my voice. It was hard to keep secret how much I really missed the island sometimes. Jackie turned back to look at me, a grin on her face.

" Hey, I've got an idea," she said brightly, " Cancel whatever plans you have tonight. We're going out."

" What?"

" We need to get you back out into the world." she explained. " Seriously, Mar. You've been moping around waiting to hear if they find the plane and if any bodies will get recovered...it's kind of pathetic."

I hissed in frustration and set the folder I was holding down on my desk harder than I meant to.

" Don't start with me, Jay." I said, " You don't know what I've been going through at all. My fiancé is dead, and I'm carrying his kid. You really think any guy is gonna be up for a girl who's seven months pregnant with some serious emotional baggage? I don't think so."

" Either that's the hormones talking, or you're just being a bitch for the sake of being a bitch." said Jackie, looking hurt by my rejecting her plan to get me dating again. " I'll see you in twenty minutes."

She walked off. I put my hand on my belly. Jackie hadn't noticed it, but when we'd been talking about the crash I felt a slight pain, but I figured it was normal. If it happened again, I would call 911.

* * *

_" Riley?"_

_I turned and smiled at Sawyer. He was standing behind me, looking a little groggy. He smiled back and sat down next to me._

_" Hey." I said. " How're you feeling?"_

_He shrugged._

_" A lot better I guess." he reached over and touched my arm. " I missed you."_

_I sighed._

_" I missed you too." I said as I brushed his hair off of his forehead. " Kate's right. You could use a haircut."_

_Sawyer snorted._

_" And what, are you gonna give it to me?"_

_I grinned mischeviously._

_" No, I give nicer welcome home presents than that."_

_Sawyer laughed and kissed me._

When I got home later, I sensed nothing totally out of the ordinary...which things had been for me lately: ordinary. Then I saw a note on the kitchen table. Curious, I picked it up and read the following:

_Expect me around ten thirty._

_B.L._

I looked at the clock. It read ten twenty-five. I had five minutes, so I sat next to the phone, waiting for the little bastard to call. At ten thirty there was a knock on the door. I was a little confused, but went to answer it anyway. It was Ben.

" If I hadn't gotten your note I probably wouldn't have believed you'd actually come to see me." I said wearily. " Let's get this over with. Come on in."

I let him inside my appartment and shut and locked the door.

" Now what's this all about?" I asked.

Ben didn't answer. He was fiddling with my TV, pushing a DVD into the DVD player.

" What the hell --" I started.

" After your conversation with Widmore took a bad turn I took it upon myself to find out how he was going to exact revenge on you." said Ben bluntly.

" He didn't find --"

" No, or your boyfriend would be suffering a hell of a lot more." Ben pressed the play button.

I sat down and watched the screen aprehensively.

" What is this?" I asked as I watched Widmore appear on screen, deep in conversation with someone else.

" You're going to need to make sure that it's sufficient enough to terminate it," he was saying, " I want all traces of him gone."

" Agreed."

Ben got up and hit the pause button.

" He's going to have one of his people ambush you, Riley, and he's going to have them terminate your pregnancy to make sure James is out of your life."

I was sure that my face must be white as a sheet, if not green. The very idea sickened me.

" Is there more on the DVD?" I croaked.

Ben hit the play button again and this time I almost launched myself at the TV and anyone would have thought me insane; Sawyer had appeared on the DVD, and I wanted nothing more than to jump through the TV screen and be with him.

" What--Why is he -- Oh my God."

Ben held up a hand to silence me and then gestured to the screen. I sank back onto my chair, my arms wrapped protectively around my belly.

" So let me get this straight," he was saying, " That little bastard moved this entire island?"

The camera zoomed out and I saw that he was talking to Juliet.

" I think so, James," she said grimly. " What are you thinking about?"

" Do you have to ask?" he replied bitterly.

Juliet smiled at him.

" I'm sure she's fine," she said quietly. " She had to have gotten off the freighter before it exploded. She's probably with Dan and they've been rescued by another boat or somethin'."

" Dan was ferrying people out to the freighter wasn't he? Maybe he saw her...maybe..."

" James," Juliet's voice was gentle but I could hear how sad she sounded. " I think it would be better if you just don't think about her."

" Riiighhhhtttt..." his voice trailed off momentarily and then he said, " You some kind of shrink now?"

She shook her head.

" No, just giving my oppinion." she clapped him on the shoulder and walked off. Ben stopped the DVD and pressed the eject button.

" Who...?" I asked feebly.

" Richard." answered Ben. " I got it in the mail yesterday. He sent it to Bentham and Bentham sent it to me."

" What do I do?" I asked finally.

Ben tossed a passport into my lap. I picked it up and examined it.

" Lindsay Dernham; Los Angeles, CA; DOB August 5, 1970." I read. " Well that's good, at least I'm younger by a few months." a weak chuckle escaped my lips when he didn't laugh at my pathetic joke. " So do they know? The Six I mean. Do they know I'm moving out there now?"

Ben nodded.

" Yes." he said. " You're going to have to be careful, Riley. Widmore has more people tailing them than he has tailing you. I managed to take out one."

My eyebrows shot up.

" I'm sorry, is the world coming to an end or something? You've never given a damn about my safety or the safety of my friends before. What the hell's changed?"

Ben's eyes fell on my stomach. I knew he was thinking about Alex.

" Everything," he said as he headed for the door. " I'll see you around."

" Yeah, see you."

* * *

_" Anyone else? There isn't much time."_

_I glanced at Sawyer, curious to see whose side he would choose. Ben, Rousseau, Alex and Karl joined Locke with a number of others, including Claire and Hurley. Then I saw Sawyer move and it was like a blow to my gut._

_" What are you doing?" asked Kate._

_He turned to look at her._

_" Same thing I've always done, Kate," he replied grimly. " Surviving."_

_He looked over at me. It had started to rain._

_" You comin', Snake?" he called._

_I felt a tear roll down my face._

_" No. I'm sorry, James," I croaked. " I'm not going with a psychotic."_

_" Riley," he pleaded._

_I walked over and kissed him gently. I knew Kate's eyes were boring into the back of my head, but I didn't care._

_" I'll see you again, cowboy," I whispered. " Count on it."_

I was packing one of my suitcases when a sharp pain ran across my belly.

" Shit." I gasped as another one hit. These couldn't be contractions...they were hitting me consecutively...one after the other. I grabbed my cell and dialled 911.

" 911, what is your emergency?"

" Yeah, I'm seven months pregnant and I'm...Oh!" I screamed as another pain tore through my belly. " I'm having severe pains. They're not contractions. I don't know what's happening! Can you send an ambulance?"

" Yes what is your location?" asked the Operator. I bit back a scream and tightened my grip on my phone as I gave him the address of the appartment. " Alright the ambulance is en route."

" Please hurry!" I cried before hanging up.

**Okay so that ends this chapter. Please review!**


	9. Reality Sucks

** DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING BUT MY ORIGINAL CHARACTER!**

Author's Note: I appologize again for the huge gap in updates...winter vacation got to me and I've just been rather distracted.

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Siibi: Thank you for your review. no, i could have gone that direction but that would've meant that Sun would have lost her baby too and so i decided to go with this instead. she just lost the baby because of some complication.;)

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_Chapter 7: Reality Sucks_

_I took a swig from my waterbottle and looked up to see Juliet staring at me._

_" Hey Juliet." I said._

_She sat down next to me._

_" How're you feeling?"_

_I shrugged._

_" Fine. I think I overreacted...probably just a bug." I glanced toward the raft, where Dan was getting ready to ferry people to the freighter. " Doesn't seem real to me...us getting rescued."_

_Juliet nodded. She seemed to hesitate, then:_

_" Riley, did you consider the fact you may be pregnant?" she asked. I turned to look at her so fast I cricked my neck._

_" How do you figure that?" I asked._

_Juliet sighed._

_" Well, look at the facts...you've been sick almost every day this week and you've been a total bitch to Jack," both of us laughed at that. " When was your last cycle?"_

_I rolled my eyes._

_" You know, people get sick all the time," I told her, " I can't be pregnant. I just can't."_

" Welcome back Miss Klarke."

I groaned and tried to speak as my vision cleared.

" My baby?" I managed to whisper.

The doctor who was holding my chart looked grim.

" I'm very sorry," he said quietly. " Unfortunately upon your arrival here the paramedics informed me that the placenta had detached, which caused the baby to suffocate. We removed the fetus from your body."

" What was it -- the sex of the baby, what was it?" I asked, tears threatening to spill down my cheeks.

" It was a girl, ma'am." he replied. " If you would like to put a name on the birth and death certificates you can give it to me and I will have records process it for you."

I thought about it for a moment.

" Mary," I said finally, my voice lifeless, " Mary Kathleen Ford."

" Thank you," said the doctor, " As for other matters such as funeral and burial, appropriate arrangements can be made..."

At that point I didn't hear him...I didn't _want _to hear him. I rolled onto my side and closed my eyes. _I'm sorry James_I thought._ I'm so sorry._

__

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

" Juliet, I'm not going."

" Yes you are," she answered impatiently as she ushered others into the raft Dan was planning to ferry them to the freighter in. " You are pregnant, Riley. Whether you like it or not, and you are getting off this island just like Sun. Now."

I grabbed her arm and looked her straight in the eyes.

" I am not pregnant, and I am not leaving here. I'm not leaving him."

Juliet sighed.

" Riley you have to." she said. " If you stay here you will die."

" We got room for one more!" called Dan.

" Riley's going with you, Dan," replied Juliet.

" No I'm not!" I snapped. Juliet took my arm and dragged me over to a vacant seat in the raft.

" Just go please." she said quietly. " and don't do it because I asked you to. Do it for James."

Dan smiled at me and took the duffel bag that contained my meager possessions -- a couple t-shirts, a pair of jeans, some boring book Sawyer had found in his stash and given to me, and my diary.

" Okay that's six, let's go." he said as Juliet steered me over by Sun. I sat down next to her and buried my face in my hands.

" No!" I slammed my hand down on the table and adjusted my hold on my cell phone. " I'm not doing it, Jack. I won't!"

" Lindsay --"

" Don't you understand?!" I nearly screamed into the phone. " I don't want to see you --- or _any _of the Six! Stay the hell away from my appartment."

Jack sounded irritated.

" Sooner or later, you're going to have to face reality," he said coldly. " We're _never_ going back. He wouldn't want you to do this to yourself."

" Don't you _dare _mention him to me!" I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. " I have to go, Jack. Bye."

" Linds--"

_Click!_ I hit the end button on my phone and closed my eyes briefly. I was nearing the end of my sanity. Somewhere in the back of my mind what he said made sense -- but I could not stand lying about something like this -- it hurt too much. Suddenly the phone rang again. Thoroughly irritated now, I picked it up and put it to my ear.

" What?" I snapped.

" Lindsay? It's Kate...can we talk?"

I sighed exasperatedly.

" If you're calling to tell me what Jack just tried to, you're wasting your time. I won't meet up with any of you." I said.

Kate sighed quietly.

" Relax okay, I just want to talk...not about anything Jack just talked to you about."

I was still suspicious.

" They're all over there at your's and Jack's place, aren't they." I said finally. " They're listening to you talk to me -- the rest of the six."

" No, it's just me, Jack and Aaron. Promise."

" So what d'you want?" I asked.

" I want to come visit you." she paused. " It's been a long time and well..."

" What, you miss me?" I said sourly, " Well Kate I'm not really in the mood to see any of you right now. I haven't been in the mood to see you all for nearly a year and you know why."

" Linds--"

" Don't call me again." I snapped and hung up.

**

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**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I've sped up time here so as to move on with the story...;)...I have a bunch of some action/romance/reunion type stuff i've been writing and i want to use it.:)**

_" What the hell do you think you're doing?" I fumed._

The days seemed to blur together after I moved to LA. I got up, did my job ( I'd recently acquired a job over the internet which was fine with me -- I couldn't risk running into any of Widmore's people or the Six that lived in the city), ate and slept. It got to the point where it was more a habit than my actual life, but what the hell did I care? If I was living a lie I was doing my damnest to make sure that that lie was solid. Plus I had accepted that this was reality and I had to deal with it -- no matter how much it sucked.

I rang in 2006 and 2007 alone. Jack had tried calling me continually over both but when I finally put my foot down and very rudely made an air horn emit it's blast into the reciever (which Sawyer probably would have been very proud of me for), he gave up. Kate had called on New Year's Eve but I didn't answer. She left a message which I promptly deleted. It was the third anniversary of the crash -- September 22, 2007 -- that everything started to change for me. I'd been working late into the afternoon when someone knocked at the door.

" Hang on I'm coming," I called irritably, getting up and going to answer the door. My jaw dropped.

Kate was standing outside my appartment, clutching Aaron's hand.

**

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**okay from this point lots of major stuff is going to happen! Please review, and no flames!!!!!**

Sawyer sighed but didn't look up from his backpack. He threw a couple water bottles into it and then stood up.

" You know what I'm doing." he said quietly.

" I don't trust him, James," I said. " He was with them for God knows how long...all he wants is his son back. He would do anything."

" Riley, just listen to me okay." said Sawyer impatiently. " Mike asked me to. So I'm going."

My jaw dropped. I walked out of his shelter and looked up at the sky.

" What the hell are you doing?" he asked me.

" Looking for flying pigs." I said. " Or the apocalypse."

" Har har har," he scoffed. " Why don't you just drop it okay."

" James please!" I pleaded. " Don't do this."

Sawyer smiled and kissed me gently on the lips.

" See you when I get back." he said before slinging a rifle over one shoulder, his back pack over the other and joining Jack, Kate, Hurley, and Michael at the far end of camp.

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	10. Who Does He Love?

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING BUT MY ORIGINAL CHARACTER!!!**

**A****uthor's Note: WOOO Another chapter up! YAYYYYY!!!**

**Author's Note #2: I went back and edited this because I wasn't satisfied with it for some reason. enjoy!  
**

Kate gave me a weak smile.

**Chapter 8: Who Does He Love?**

" Hey, Ri --" she broke off and glanced around. " Hey Lindsay."

" I told you I didn't want to see any of the Six!" I hissed.

Kate sighed.

" Well I'm here now and you'll just have to deal with it."

I sighed and opened the door the rest of the way.

" Come on in."

Her smile became more pronounced and as if I had just noticed Aaron was in her arms, I closed my eyes and said:

" He looks happy."

" He is, very." said Kate. " You never told me --"

" It was a girl," I said monotonously, " I named her Mary."

We both stared at the floor. It didn't take a genius to notice how uncomfortable the two of us were. After all, we'd been on and off enemies on the island, warring like petty teenage girls over the man we both wanted.

_" So I hear you and Sawyer got close when Jack and Sayid went to get Shannon's meds," I said casually. Kate didn't miss the jealousy in my voice._

_" Mhmm. It meant nothing." she replied bluntly, though I could tell she was lying. She had a pleased look on her face._

_" Stay away from him."_

_She turned and looked at me like I was stoned off an illicit substance._

_" Excuse me?"_

_" You heard me, Kate. Stay away from him." I knew she heard the threatening note in my voice._

_" You're crushing on him aren't you?"_

_" So what if I am?" I said defensively, " at least I'm not playing two guys at once."_

_" What?" she said incredulously._

_" I've seen how you flirt with them both." I said in a rush. " and I know how when one pisses you off you go right back to the other."_

_" Who do you think you are?" she demanded, " You have no idea who you're messing with. Back off."_

" Riley? Helloooooooo, earth to Riley. Come in please."

I jumped and looked around, alarmed.

" Are you crazy??! Didn't he tell you -- you're not supposed to call me that!"

Kate rolled her eyes.

" He told me I can't call you that in public." she said. " They're keeping a closer eye when we all go out. Plus you're not recognizable with..." her voice trailed off as her eyes took in my deformity. She decided to change the subject. " So...what happened that -- that day? Jack said he didn't get any details on how you -- survived."

I got up and made sure the appartment door was locked and the blinds on the windows were closed before sitting down across from her.

" You remember what happened that day as well as I do." I said quietly. " and don't deny it."

She didn't.

_" Riley come on!" shouted Kate as she grabbed my arm and started pulling me up towards the deck. " We've got to get to the chopper!"_

_" What? No!" I cried pulling my arm out of her grasp as we emerged on deck and she tried to pull me toward the helicopter. " Kate --"_

_" No!" she said angrily. " I'm not explaining to Sawyer why his girlfriend exploded!"_

_" Kate look Jin is still below!" I said, not having adequate time to process that this was the first time she had referred to me as Sawyer's 'girlfriend'. " I'll go get him okay."_

_" There's no time!" she cried as I turned and ran below. When Jin and I reached the deck the helicopter was taking off._

_" NO!" I screamed as Jin ran past me, screaming something in Korean -- I assumed he was screaming for Sun. _

_Then the boat exploded and everything went dark.  
_

" You wanted to know how I survived. I woke up under water. When i got to the surface, i floated into a part of the wreckage that was in flames. As much as I tried to prevent it, my face was terribly burned."

Kate was quiet for a moment.

" Jack said that Ben told him you refused to stick to the story they gave you unless you got to talk to -- to Sawyer."

Her voice was barely above a whisper as his name left her lips. I nodded.

" I gave them forty-eight hours to arrange it, but they refused." I paused, " I had something important to tell him...I didn't realize it til my last day in the hospital."

Kate kept her face impassive.

" You wanted to tell him you were pregnant." she said.

" Yeah," I whispered. We both looked down at my flat stomach. " Guess it's a good thing I never got to talk to him...he wouldn't have cared anyway."

Kate rolled her eyes.

" How can you say that?"

I met her eyes unwillingly.

" Well it's not like he was ever mine. Who was it he slept with when you, him and Jack were taken prisoner?"

" Who was it he was happiest to see when he and I came back?" she demanded, then in a whisper, " He loved you more than he ever loved me. I know he did."

" He didn't want a family," I said bluntly, " especially after what Juliet said about pregnant women. He chose you."

" He chose you." she corrected me. " He told me -- he told me he thought you might be pregnant. After he came back with Aaron and Miles. He told me if we got off the island --"

I held up a hand to silence her, my heart pounding. The phone was ringing.

" Hang on." I rushed over and picked up the receiver. " Hello?"

A gruff, familiar voice answered me with one simple sentence:

" It was always you, Snake."

Click! The line went dead. My heart was going a mile a minute as I put the reciever down. Kate mistook my expression.

" What's wrong?" she asked, looking alarmed. " Who was it? Riley?"

" You were right," I managed to croak. " It was me. He loved -- loves me."

" That was -- that was him?" she said in a whisper. I knew by the look in her eyes that she still had feelings for Sawyer. I nodded mutely.

" I love him, Kate." I said, my voice cracking. " I can't stand being separated from him like this."

" You'll see him again," she told me, " Someday, you'll get to be with him."

" Jack said the same thing when he visited me in the hospital." Kate didn't miss the bitter note in my voice.

" This charade we're doing," she said, " It won't last forever. Some day we're gonna be able to tell people the truth."

I glanced at the paper lying on my table.

" It's been two years," I said miserably, " and you and the rest of the six are still being watched! I can't do anything without fear of attracting attention to myself!" I glanced at the opposite wall. " So...what was it you were going to say before the phone rang?"

Kate was preoccupied by Aaron who was crying.

" Shush, Aaron. It's okay." she looked at me. " Sorry?"

" What did Sawyer tell you when he got back after the attack on the barracks?" I said.

Kate looked thoughtful.

" He asked how you were. I told him you were sick, and being a total bitch to Jack --"

" I bet he loved that, especially with Jack right there." I laughed.

Kate started laughing too.

" He gave Jack this look. It was hilarious." she said. "Anyway, he said 'You don't think she's pregnant do you, Freckles?' and I told him it was a possibility. Jack tried butting in, wanted to know when your last cycle was." We both made faces and then Kate said. " Sawyer said if we got off the island and you were pregnant, he..."

" What?" I prompted**.**

" He said you and that baby would be the only thing worth going back for." she looked at the floor.

" You thought he got you pregnant too." I said, realization hitting me like a bullet in the gut. " After you two slept together in the cages."

She nodded.

" He didn't want a family with me though. I figured it out -- he only wanted me when he knew it would piss you off." she smiled. " You're really lucky, Riley."

A tear rolled down my cheek.

" I don't feel lucky, Kate," I said, " Not when I'm trapped here, unable to be with him...dreaming about him constantly dying..."

" How bad has it gotten?" she asked, remembering our previous conversations. Conversations with the Six had to be staggered in case one of Widmore's men traced the call or was listening in.

" I'm still killing him," I whispered, " but now when I wake up screaming I feel guilty...like I actually did it."

Kate stared at me sympathetically.

" I'm sorry."

I laughed mirthlessly.

" Don't be. You're not the one causing them."

Just then someone knocked on the door. I looked at Kate then got up.

" Be right back." I said. I went and opened the door. To my surprise, I found Steve standing in the doorway.

" Yes?" I said, trying to sound as if I did not know him. He had been a friend to Marissa, not Lindsay. " Can I help you?"

" Oh come on, Riley," he hissed scathingly, lifting his left hand. I saw the muzzle of a nine-millimeter gun being aimed at me. " Don't pretend like you don't know me. I know the whole sleazy story. Now, are you gonna let me in, or do I have to make you?"

" Lindsay?" I heard Kate call. " Who is it?"

" No one," I called back, my voice an octave higher than I meant it to be. " Just keep Aaron in there okay."

But it was too late. Kate entered the hallway with Aaron peeking out from behind her leg.

" Linds--"

" Go back in the living room, Kate!" I screamed as Steve suddenly pulled me against him and put the gun to my neck. Kate grabbed Aaron and ran back into the living room. I could hear her knock several things over as she found her 'son' a place to hide. Seconds later she was back and she had a gun of her own in her hands.

" Kate what are you doing?!" I cried. " Get Aaron and get out of here!" I tried twisting away from Steve but he pushed the gun harder into my neck. " Steve please --"

" Shut up," he hissed, " Just shut up. Now you're gonna be a good girl and do exactly what I say right? Aren't you?"

" Put the gun down!" shouted Kate. " Now!"

" Answer the question, Riley," snarled Steve, completely ignoring Kate," Are you gonna be a good girl or not?!"

" Kate just go," I begged. " Please!"

" DO YOU WANT TO DIE?" roared Steve. " ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!"

That was when I broke down.

" Yes," I sobbed, " Just let Kate and Aaron out of here unharmed please!"

Steve looked at Kate.

" You heard the woman," he said, " Get your kid and get out. Now."

Kate's arms shook slightly as she kept the gun level with Steve's head.

" Please," I cried. " Take him and get out!"

I was sure she'd say no, that she would fire at Steve. I was shocked when she lowered the gun and ran back to the living room. Seconds later she tore past us, clutching Aaron by the arm.

" Alright," Steve breathed in my ear. " Where's your bedroom?"

_No!_ I thought frantically, _He's going to rape me! I have to do something...have to fight._ I tried pulling away from him again.

" Get your damn hands off me," I gasped.

" I don't think so!" he pulled me further into the apartment towards what he guessed correctly as my bedroom. " We're going to have some fun, you and me. Try anything and I will kill you."

" I won't let you violate me," I said angrily. " I won't!"

He threw me down on my bed and stripped me of all clothing.

" NO!" I screamed. I was fighting him tooth and nail. When I sank my teeth into his wrist he struck me across the face. Suddenly there was a commotion. I heard a gun shot and my tormentor collapsed on top of me -- he wasn't dead but he'd been hit with some kind of gun. I pushed him off of me.

" Who-" I rasped, struggling to regain my breath.

" Are you okay Riley?" I looked over to see Sayid standing there, the stun gun in his hand. Kate was next to him. She had a suitcase clutched in her hands.

" Yeah." I said shakily. I looked over at Sayid. " Did you kill him?"

The Iraqi shook his head.

" No, I shot him with a tranquilizer gun. You're lucky I was in the area or Kate might have killed him." he said.

Kate shrugged.

" He'd deserve it, considering what he just tried to pull." she muttered as Sayid left.

" It's not worth it," I said as I grabbed my phone and quickly called the police, letting them know what had just happened and they said they would come and pick up Steve. My eyes fell on the suitcase Kate was holding. " What the hell is that for?"

" You need to get out of here," she replied, tossing me some clothes to put on and dropping the suitcase in the process. " Then leave tonight and meet Sayid at this address. He'll take you somewhere safe."

I stared at her in disbelief.

" What?"

" Look I'm not sure but I think Steve might have followed you to LA on Widmore's orders," said Kate.

" Are we going back?" I asked.

Kate turned to leave.

" I dunno. I honestly don't know Riley." she said quietly.

She left the room and a few minutes later I heard the door of my apartment shut as she and Aaron left. I scrambled around the room to get dressed and was waiting when the police arrived. They took my statement and carted him away. After I heard them leave I threw some clothes into a suitcase along with the nine milimeter I kept with me at all times. Just then the doorbell rang.

" Coming!" I yelled.

When I opened the door I found the last person I expected to be in the doorway: Jeremy Bentham.

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**MUWAHAHAHAHAHAH YES IT'S A CLIFFHANGER! lol why is Bentham visiting her? What does he want? Stay tuned! while you're here do me a little favor and please review!!! _NO FLAMES!!!!!!!_**

**_and on a side note...SEASON 5 STARTS TONIGHT!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!  
_**

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	11. Bentham's Visit

**_Disclaimer:_ I nothing but my original character.**

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE:_ I appologize for the huge gaps in between updates, seriously. Writer's block SUCKS. Plus college is starting to piss me off....anyway, enjoy guys.:)**

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**Momo-Lost Addict: Thank you so much for your review.:) I hope you enjoy this chapter**

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**_Chapter 9: Bentham's Visit_**

" Can I come in?" asked Bentham calmly.  
" No," I said as calmly as I could, " I was in the middle of leaving -- sorry."  
I made to shut the door but he stopped me.  
" We need to talk," he said, his tone serious.  
I dropped the suitcase I'd been clutching.  
" About what?" I asked suspiciously. " I'm not letting you in here."  
" You're going to have to, Riley," he said, a tone of impatience in his voice now. That threw me for a moment -- it was the first time he'd used my real name since he visited me in the hospital with Richard over three years ago. He waited patiently and reluctantly I let him into the appartment.  
" What's this all about, J-"  
He held up a hand to silence me.  
" I may be using your real name but I'd prefer it if you kept calling me Jeremy." he said as he sat down on the couch. I sat down across from him, still wary. " Now to business. I saw the police carting Steven Daniels away from here when I arrived at the building. You are lucky to be alive, you know -- considering he's working for Charles Widmore."  
" Yeah," I said quietly, wrapping my arms protectively around myself. " He knew everything. He told me so."  
" I'm not surprised. His boss told him everything he needed to know."  
I sighed.  
" Why are you really here, Jeremy?" I asked. " You didn't just come to talk to me about Widmore -- what the hell do you want?"  
Bentham leaned forward a little, his gaze suddenly intense.  
" You need to go back," he said simply.  
I couldn't believe my ears.  
" What?" I said. " Sorry I must have had a stroke because I distinctly heard you telling me I need to go back?!"  
" No you heard me correctly," he said pleasantly, as though we were discussing every day business. " you -- and the others -- you have to go back."  
" Why?!" I demanded.  
" They need you," he said. " And you know it."  
I rolled my eyes.  
" Look I've already accepted that we're never going back. You're crazy if you think I'm going to believe a word of this."  
He sighed.  
" You know, you sound just like Jack." he said quietly. " and I'll be going to see him soon...and Kate too."  
" So what if I sound like him?" I demanded angrily. " It doesn't take a genious to know that you're crazy -- not after all the stunts you pulled."  
" Riley, think about this," he said, a tone of desperation in his voice. " It's a matter of _time_ before something else happens and you'll regret not listening to me." he paused. " He misses you."  
" I don't think there's ever been a time I've regretted not listening to you," I said stiffly, " and I got the phone call. I miss him too, but it doesn't change anything. We're not going back. I won't do it."  
Bentham stood up.  
" Well then it will be your fault if anything happens to him," he said. " and believe me, I saw what was happening to them before I left. If he lived --"  
" Don't you do that!" I shouted suddenly, " Don't you dare try to make me feel any more guilty for what happened that than I already do! If he --" I stopped, unable to continue. " Look, I don't -- I don't want you here. Get out now."

* * *

_" Riley, you okay? You're greener than a head of lettuce."_

_I looked over at Dan and grimmaced._

_" Sea sickness." I said hoarsely, praying the churning feeling in my stomach was just that and that Juliet had been wrong. " Sooner we got on land, sooner I'll stop feeling like shit."_

_Dan nodded thoughtfully._

_" You know, would it really be a bad thing?" he asked after a few minutes._

_" What?" I said, confused; Sun had been fussing with Aaron next to me and I'd momentarily lost track of the conversation. " Sorry..."_

_" If you were really pregnant," Dan prompted. " Sorry, I overheard Juliet. What's there to worry about? You're just going back to your normal life once we get out of this mess. Only difference is you'll have James and the baby, right?"_

_I snorted and looked over at the freighter as the zodiac raft pulled up alongside it. My life before the crash had been anything BUT normal._

_" Sure. If you say so."_

" Oh my gosh, Jack would you just shut up and let me talk?!"

I adjusted the cell phone against my ear and went back to unpacking my suitcase. He fell silent and I immediately went back to the story I'd been telling him once I'd gotten in to my hotel room.

" So then he starts feeding me all this bull about how we have to go back and save everybody. He used Sawyer to try and make me agree with him! I threw him out -- I just couldn't take it."

" You threw him out? I thought he scared you." said Jack, and I could hear the laughter in his voice.

" On the _island _he scared me you dumbass. Off of it, he's a crazy old bastard who needs serious help." I paused. " Says he's gonna pay you a visit. Kate too."

" Grrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaatttt." I heard him mutter, sarcasm evident in his voice.

" Oh come on, it won't be that bad -- just make sure your gun's not loaded -- you know, like the last time you tried to kill him."

" Very funny." he scoffed.

" Wasn't trying to be." I said mildly. " Look just try to keep your cool when he comes to see you. Okay?"

" Okay," he sighed. " Riley I gotta go. Take care of yourself okay?"

" Yeah." I said after a moment. " Yeah, you too."

" 'Bye."

" Talk to you later."

_Click! _He'd hung up. I sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, closing my cell phone in the process. Fifteen minutes later, it rang again. Confused, I picked it up.

" Hello?" I paused and then my mouth fell open in horror. " What?! No, look don't -- I'll take care of it." I ran a hand through my hair once and grabbed both my room and car keys. " I can be there in fifteen minutes. Bye."

I threw my phone into my purse and ran out the door.

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**hahaha i love throwing cliffhangers in here.:) please review and NO FLAMES. A review will get you a cookie:)**

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	12. Complications

**_Disclaimer:_ I nothing but my original character. **

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: On a little note here, I'm just gonna say I've totally loved Season 5 so far!!! I think this week's episode (316) was my favorite so far -- the first episode of the season (Because You Left) is a close second -- I give the writers full kudos for having Sawyer go shirtless for most of that episode. heheheheee;)**

**Author's Note 2: I reread the last chapter and realized it took place a bit before the return to the island...so I went back and edited it. time gets sped up a bit half way through.*rolls eyes***

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**Momo-Lost Addict: I'm glad you liked it!**

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_**Chapter 10: Complications**_

A million differet thoughts raced through my mind as I drove through LA. Why the hell was this happening? He shouldn't have called me -- the whole world thought Riley Carlen had died on the island of Membata...at least that was what Jack had told me he said happened at the Oceanic 6 press conference in Honolulu three years ago. Banishing all other distracting thoughts I pulled into the parking lot of an old rundown warehouse.

" I'm here," I called when I entered the building. " let's get this over with."

A low laugh broke the silence and i whipped around to see my old boss, Jake Brandon, staring at me, a pleased expression on his face.

" Didn't think you'd show, Carlen," he said goodnaturedly.

" What do you want, Jake?" I said wearily.

" What, you didn't think I believed all that bull the Oceanic 6 spewed out when they had that damned press conference, huh?" he said. He walked up to me and lightly ran his fingers down my arm. Everything about his touch was wrong. He wasn't James...the man I loved...the man who'd risked a possibly traced (or at least attempted trace) phone call to tell me he'd chosen me over Kate.

" Get away from me," I said, backing away. " The only reason I came down here was because you threatened to expose me. What's it gonna take to get you to keep your mouth shut?"

Jake smiled.

" You know exactly what I want, Riley," he said. I shivered at the sound of his voice. " I told you before you got on that plane in Sydney...you never quit working for me. I decide when I'm done with you, and let me tell you right now, baby I ain't done with you by a long shot."

I brushed a strand of hair out of my face and sighed.

" Tell me Jake, how exactly am I supposed to do that when the body's in Sydney and the 50 mil I stole went down with the plane? It was only by a miracle I got it on there without raising any questions from security." I paused. " I did what you told me to...even called you from the airport before I boarded to tell you it was done. So leave me the hell alone."

" Uh-uh," said Jake. He made a grab for my arm and as he did, I pulled my gun out of my purse. He stopped when I aimed the muzzle directly at his heart.

" Now Jake, am I gonna have to shut your mouth for you, or do you wanna do it on your own?" I asked coldly.

" You ain't gonna pull that trigger on me, sweetheart," he said, " You've changed since you came back to civilization. So put the gun down, and we'll talk about this --"

I cut him off with a warning shot.

" What's it gonna be?!" I screamed at him. " You got twenty seconds to decide!"

Just then, I felt cold metal against my throat.

" Yeah Snake," I heard another familiar voice say, " Put the gun down."

Something hit me in the head and I collapsed.

* * *

_My head was killing me when I woke up later. I was back on the island, lying on the beach._

_" Riley."_

_I gasped when I heard his voice. Was I dreaming? Yes...and at that moment, I didn't want to wake up._

_" Snake, it's okay." he said. My heart skipped a beat as he helped me up. I didn't even snap at him like I normally did when he used that nickname._

_" James," I croaked, tears of joy leaking down my cheeks. He smiled and lightly laid his hand on the ruined side of my face. " This is a dream."_

_" I know, sweetness," he said gently, " that's why I need you to do something for me. I need you to wake up and get away from those bastards." his tone changed to a violent one._

_" I want to stay with you." I sobbed. " This is the first time I've dreamed of you alive. I miss you so much."_

_" I know, I miss you too." he replied, " I wish I could be there with you when you wake up, I really do. You remember what I told you right?"_

_I nodded._

_" You said you'd always be there for me. No matter what."_

_Sawyer nodded._

_" I'll be waiting for you when you get back here," he told me. " I promise. Now wake up...wake up okay."_

My eyes flew open and I realized I was curled up in a ball, sobbing quietly. My head still hurt and I whimpered, wishing I could go back to the dream. It had felt so real.

" James," I sobbed, repeating his name over and over and over again. " James...James...James..."

After a while, the crying stopped and I managed to sit up and grab my purse. Then I reached behind me and pulled a smaller hand gun out of my jeans. I had to do what Sawyer had told me to: get away. As I left, I saw Jake standing near the doorway...after checking to make sure his henchmen weren't hanging around I pulled the trigger -- and I shot him in the knee. He fell down screaming his fricking brains out.

" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! DAMMIT YOU STUPID BITCH WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!" he shrieked.

" You didn't answer my question you bastard!" I screamed at him, " Am I gonna have to shut your mouth for you or not?!"

" Go to --"

He didn't even finish the sentence before I pulled the trigger. Not stopping to move the body or anything, I ran back to my car, stowed the gun in my purse and sped away, my heart pounding a mile a minute.

* * *

_" Sawyer?" I said softly as I approached his tent, clutching the blanket Jack had given me closely around my shoulders. " Sawyer."_

_When I entered the tent, I found him asleep in one of the old Oceanic airline chairs._

_" JAMES!" I said loudly. Even though I had just learned his real name the day before, it felt natural on my tongue. He groaned quietly and opened his eyes._

_" Riley," he said, sounding surprised, " What are you --"_

_I smiled._

_" Look I just -- I just wanted to thank you for what you did today. If you hadn't been there when that boar attacked me --"_

_He shrugged, his face impassive._

_" Hey just did what any decent person would have done. Ya don't hafta thank me."_

_I walked over and knelt down in front of him so we were on the same level. He tensed up when I put my hands on his knees._

_" You are a decent person," I said quietly, " I just wish you wouldn't hide it behind the tough guy image." I paused. " I might have died out there today. You chose to take me to Jack. You saved my life."_

_" Do I get a reward?" he asked smugly._

_" James, I'm not a trophy if that's what you --"_

_Suddenly something happened that I hadn't expected: he kissed me. I moaned softly and began to frantically undo the buttons on his shirt. He chuckled and broke the kiss, his hands gently pulling mine away._

_" Take it easy, darlin'," he said softly. " We got all the time in the world...but I gotta ask ya -- is this what you want? I mean, seriously. We wont go farther if this ain't what you were aimin' for when you came in."_

_I closed my eyes as he gently stroked my hair._

_" James, it's true that sex wasn't on my mind when I came in here." I paused. " but I do want you right now. I'm not using for anything...I just want to be with you....even if it's only for tonight."_

_He nodded and kissed me again. I saw him maneuver the lever on the side and suddenly I was lying under him. I growled playfully and pulled him closer to me which made him laugh._

A month later, I sat in my car, parked outside the hotel I'd just checked out of. Tears coursed down my cheeks as I recalled the previous night's events; I'd been doing a lot of crying lately. After everything that had happened to me, I would have rather died in that warehouse than go on living here in the real world. The only person who kept me going was Sawyer. That dream had totally convinced me: I needed to go back to the island. Sawyer didn't know if I was alive or dead and I needed to prove that I was still alive to him. Just then, my cell phone rang. My hand shook as I grabbed it and answered it.

" H-hello?" my voice was strangled due to all the crying I was doing. " What? N-no, I had -- I just needed to take care of something." I paused to take a breath, which didn't work so well as I was nearing hysterics. " No, its probably better if I --Wait, they're there? Well...okay, I just checked out of my hotel...Yeah. Ten minutes tops, see you then. Bye."

I hung up and drove off.

* * *

_" What the hell is wrong with you?!" I screamed._

_Jack stumbled backwards, looking shocked. I'd always been pretty compliant with whatever the so-called leader decided was best -- but hey there was a first time for everything._

_" Riley --"_

_" No, I heard you!" I shouted, " I heard what you said about me and Sawyer!"_

_Juliet tried to grab my arm but I moved out of her reach._

_" All I said was you'd be better off in the real world since he didn't want to leave!" said Jack pleadingly, " I'm sorry okay!"_

_" Riley come on," said Juliet tentatively, " Let's try and be calm --"_

_" Stay out of this!" I said angrily before turning back to Jack. " Next time you want me to do something? Something you really absolutely need me for? I'm not gonna do it, man."_

" Why don't you put the gun down. No one wants it to go off."

Sun maintained the grip on her gun, her eyes swimming with tears.

" How do you know he's alive?!" she demanded.

" There's someone," said Ben slowly, " Someone here in Los Angeles. Let me take you to them, and I'll show you the proof."

" Someone?" said Sun impatiently, " Who?!"

Now he had my interest. I got out of my car slowly and joined the group. Jack acknowledged my arrival with a small nod, his eyes never leaving Ben.

" The same person that's going to show us how to get back to the island." he said simply.

Kate's eyes flicked accusingly over to Jack.

" That's what this is about?" she said furiously, " You knew about this?"

" No," said Jack quickly, " No, I was..."

" And that's why you're pretending to care about Aaron?" she shot back, " To convince me to go back to the island?"

" I wasn't pretending anything," insisted Jack.

Kate turned to get into her car.

" This is insane, you guys are crazy --"

" Kate," Jack started.

" Jack, don't!!" she got into the car and drove off.

" Sayid," said Ben in alarm as the Iraqi moved to leave also.

" I don't want ant part of this," replied Sayid, " and if I see you --" his eyes flicked to Jack, then back to Ben, " --or him again, it will be extremely unpleasant for all of us."

He left and Ben looked over at me.

" Why are you still here?" he asked.

I kept my face impassive.

" I want to see James again," I said simply.

Ben turned back to Sun.

" Thirty minutes, Sun," he said, " We can be there in thirty minutes. And you'll have proof -- proof that he's alive. Or you can shoot me and never know."

Jack and I both watched Sun apprehesively.

" Let's go." she said finally.

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**alright that's it for this chapter...I'm debating whether or not to end this with them getting to the island in the next chapter or starting a whole new story for the rest of Season 5...what do y'all think? Please review and no flames!!**


	13. One Step Closer

**_Disclaimer:_ I own nothing but my original character. **

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay so I just found the movie Whisper on youtube yesterday , and if you've seen it, you know Josh Holloway (who plays Sawyer on LOST;)) is in it and IMO he does some pretty frickin' amazing acting. just thought i'd share. hahahaha. oh yeah and i think this is the next to last chapter. I already know how the sequel will go so I will do that then work on the sequels to my other stories**

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**Chapter 11: One Step Closer**

_" Riley!"_

_I rolled over so I was facing the opening of my shelter. Sun was peeking inside, looking cautious: I'd been rather irritable ever since Hurley had come back alone and confirmed my worst fears. Jack, Kate and Sawyer had been taken prisoner by the Others. I'd been right -- Michael had played everybody._

_" Mmmm. What is it?" I asked._

_She was smiling. What could have possibly happened to make her so happy?_

_" Sawyer and Kate -- they're back!" she exclaimed._

_I gasped quietly. Was I dreaming? It sure felt like it. I got up and followed her out onto the beach. A short ways away from camp I found Sawyer and Kate surrounded by practically everybody. I saw Sawyer's gaze come to rest on me and the look on his face was indiscribable. He looked like he'd been through hell. He gently ran his fingers up and down my arm._

_" Welcome home, James." I said, smiling up at him._

" Why are you telling me this now, Jack? Are you going to kill Ben if he's lying about my husband?"

Jack was quiet for a moment.

" After what he did to Kate," he paused. " If you don't do it, Sun -- I will."

My breath caught in my throat as Ben slammed on the brakes and the van came to a screeching halt.

" What are you doing?" I asked disinterestedly. He ignored me, his attention fixed on Sun and Jack.

" What I'm doing is helping you!" he shouted. " And if you had any idea what I've had to do to keep you safe -- keep your friends safe -- then you'd never stop thanking me! You wanna shoot me?" he glanced at me, then at Sun. " Shoot me. But let's get on with it. What's it gonna be?"

There was a tense silence. Then Sun said:

" Drive."

Ben restarted the van and we continued to whereever he was taking us.

* * *

_" Anyone want to venture a guess as to what Jack's going to show us out here in the middle of nowhere?"_

_" Woah, you okay Snake?" he said._

_I smiled._

_" Yeah, just fine. Why?"_

_" You look like you got a lot on your mind." he said pointedly._

_" Shush," I said sternly, jerking my head in Jack's direction, " Be a good boy and pay attention to the doctor."_

_Sawyer snorted and we both turned our attention to Jack._

_" A couple of nights ago, Juliet came to me and she told me everything. That Ben had sent her here to find out which of our women are pregnant --"_

_" So what, you were doing tests on us?" said Kate angrily to Juliet. She shook her head._

_" No, but that's what he wanted me to do," she explained, " I've been leaving tapes at the medical station." her gaze flicked from Kate to Sun to me, then back to Kate. " You all heard what he said, they're coming tomorrow. Sun," she stared appologetically at the Korean woman. " I'm sorry I lied to you." _

_Sayid sighed._

_" While I appreciate your honesty, Jack," he said, " It doesn't explain why you brought us out here."_

_Jack turned towards the trees._

_" Danielle!" he shouted. My eyes widened when the French woman walked out of the jungle. " Show them."_

_I watched with renewed interest as she took two wires in her hands and crossed them. A violent explosion ripped through the trees and I stumbled backwards into Desmond who caught me. I barely listened as Jack explained what the dynamite was for, only snapping out of my daze when he said, " Because when they show up…We're gonna blow 'em all to hell."_

_I smiled a little bit -- finally time for some payback. I still hadn't forgotten that they'd attempted to abduct me the week before Michael got Jack, Kate and Sawyer kidnapped by them._

" Riley, you awake?"

I mumbled something under my breath and heard Jack laugh.

" Yeah, I'd like to see you try. I'm a real light sleeper. Come on, we gotta go."

I moaned quietly in protest then looked around to find the driver and front passenger seats empty.

" Ben and Sun...?" my voice trailed off as Jack helped me out of the van.

" They're inside, I said I'd come and get you."

" Inside, inside where?" I said, angry that he wasn't being straight forward with me.

Jack pointed across the street to a small church.

" I thought we were going to see a person, not a building."

He opened the door and we entered to find Ben, Sun and (to my surprise) Desmond, all gathered with an older woman I didn't know.

" Nice of you to join us, Riley," she said.

I stared at her in confusion.

" Sorry, do I...?"

" No you don't, and I guess Benjamin didn't tell you I was the one you all were coming to see?" I nodded and she rolled her eyes in Ben's direction. He shrugged." Eloise Hawking." she looked around at all of us. " Alright, let's get started."

* * *

**Alright, I admit it, I'm conflicted here. Don't know whether to end it here and start the sequel or keep going...HELP!!! no flames. **


	14. FINAL AUTHOR'S NOTE

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE:_**

**alright, everybody, after careful consideration, the suggestion of a reviewer, and getting some inspiration from last night's awesome episode, I have decided to end the story here and pick up in the sequel which will be called FOUND (which I find rather appropriate considering the Oceanic 6 find the way to go back to the island and Riley wants to find Sawyer...blah blah blah you get the idea. hahaha) I should have the sequel up later today so please check it out!**

**thanks to my reviewers:  
Momo-Lost Addict  
Siibi  
entrthecircus**

**YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!**

**alright, off to type chapter 1 of FOUND!**

**hugs,  
KUROCKSMYWORLD**


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